Howzat? 3.9 / 6

Prelude: hearing the usually erudite Gary Lineker reading an ad for Pepsi Max at the beginning of the episode, sounding like a frightened school kid talking about what their parents do for a living in front of the whole school (“I’ll be enjoying the Euros with a Pepsi Max in hand”) made me burst into laughter. Anyway, onto the show, as they say…

Here, of course, we have one of the most popular podcasts in the world of sport fronted by the familiar trio of Micah “the laugh” Richards, Gary “the charmer” Lineker, and Alan “did I mention I’m from Newcastle?” Shearer. 

Listeners can relax. The Rest is Football is very much Gary Lineker’s own domain: produced by his production company (Goal Hanger); recorded in his own living room (for the most part); lifting the BBC’s Match of the Day format wholesale and commercialising the bejesus out of taking the proverbial out of each other’s playing careers (natch). 

And with the European Championships set to begin tomorrow (at time of writing) in Germany, this episode aims to arm any football fan with the knowledge they need to understand what the hell is going on / bore their mates in the pub / lose money at the bookies get through the tournament over the coming weeks.   

The episode starts with the premise that Richards hasn’t done his research – the typical ‘let’s laugh the most at the youngest’ fodder – and that the German team should be underestimated at our (England) peril because, well, it’s Germany, right? Also, Lineker makes a terrible joke about German players’ names sounding like the German word for sausage, which lands as well as a ‘70s stand up at the Latitude Festival.  

It continues with the universal understanding that Scotland have no chance; Hungary are the tournament’s “dark horses” (especially on the break); why Croatia punch above their weight (even with a 49-year-old Modric); Shearer flabbergasted at Big Meek’s (possibly xenophobic) Italian accent; qualification predictions for each group (Albania for the bants); and the inevitable crushing heartbreak that only the England team can bring.    

Note to the editor: the episode cuts out prematurely at the end, half-way through Linekar’s closing statement. The rest is… unavailable.  

GF